


Born to Be Wild

by zebraljb



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Banter, Bickering, Eggsy is like their son, Future Fic, Harry and Merlin are in their eighties, Harry is on the lam, M/M, Old Married Couple, Sebwin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:28:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23290021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zebraljb/pseuds/zebraljb
Summary: Harry and Merlin are both in their eighties and Eggsy doesn't like it when they drive.  He's supposed to take Harry to an appointment but has to cancel at the last minute, and Harry promises to get a Kingsman cab.Which he doesn't.What happens next? Doctors, driving, doughnuts, and the former Galahad on his own in the city.
Relationships: Gary "Eggsy" Unwin/Original Male Character(s), Harry Hart | Galahad/Merlin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 68





	Born to Be Wild

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Eggsyobsessed](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eggsyobsessed/gifts).



> So I told eggsyobsessed that I was sadly very excited at the opportunity to go to the chiropractor and stop for donuts on the way home. She commented that we all sound like elderly people, thrilled by the chance to get out of the house for a few minutes. She then added that it would make a great Merlahad story, and allowed me to run with it.
> 
> I dedicate this to her but also to myself. I was unable to drive from February 18 to March 16 due to my surgery, and then I was told no work, and eventually asked not to leave my house if possible. So yeah, I feel Harry's pain here.
> 
> Sebastian fancast as Richard Madden, of course. And I used this donut shop: http://www.happydonuts.co.uk/menu/

“Your mobile is ringing. It’s Eggsy.”

“No it’s not. I don’t hear it.”

“That’s because ye are as deaf as a doorknob, ye old peacock. I can hear it clear as day. It is playing ‘Rocketman’ by Sir Elton.”

“Rocketman…I do enjoy that song. And Sir Elton as well. We should have him over for dinner, it’s been far too long.”

“Harry, answer your damn mobile!”

“I’m telling you, it’s not…oh. It is. It’s Eggsy!” Harry puts the mobile to his ear. “Hello, darling boy.”

“Idiot,” Merlin mutters, picking up his cane and thumping over to the stove.

“I’m on the phone, dearest,” Harry coos. Merlin flips him off and stirs their soup. “How are you, Eggsy?”

“M’fine, Harry, I just…I got bad news.”

“Bad news?” Harry repeats.

Merlin whirls around. “Is it Sebastian? Or the twins?”

“Quiet,” Harry snaps. 

“Harry, what’s wrong?” Merlin demands.

“What’s wrong is that I cannot hear a thing because you won’t be quiet!” Harry shouts. “I’m sorry, Eggsy, please continue.”

“Well, you know how I said I’d drive you to your appointment tomorrow because Merlin shouldn’t be driving?”

“Yes…I see the cardiologist tomorrow.”

“Well…I can’t,” Eggsy says with a sigh. “There’s a meeting at work…I can’t miss it. And Seb’s out of town at that conference, won’t be back until tonight. I’d ask Sabrina, but she’s knee-deep in exam grading right now.”

“And Stephen is in Rome for work,” Harry replies. “It’s fine, Eggsy. Don’t worry about it.”

“But you schedule these appointments months out…and you’re NOT missing it,” Eggsy says sternly. “I’m over the two of you skipping your appointments. The biggest mistake you EVER made is adding me to all your approved lists at your doctor offices, because I will make sure you get there hell or high water.”

“I am eternally grateful for the way you look out for us, as is Hamish,” Harry says immediately.

“No, I’m not. He needs to quit poking about where he’s not wanted,” Merlin growls.

“I heard that. And tell your bald idiot husband that if he wouldn’t go around skipping appointments, I wouldn't need to poke anything but my husband’s arse!”

“Really, my boy,” Harry groans. “Manners maketh man.”

“Well, tell Merlin to stop being a grumpy old prat.”

“Tell your so-called son to stop treating us like we’re ancient!” Merlin yells back.

“You’re both eighty years old!” Eggsy exclaims. “Anyway, Harry, about tomorrow…”

“No need to concern yourself. I will call for a Kingsman cab.”

“I can arrange it.”

“Nonsense. Let me feel useful for once.”

“All right,” Eggsy says, concern evident in his voice. “I’m gonna check up, make sure you went.”

“Be my guest,” Harry says. “Was there anything else?”

“No, that’s it.”

“Tell him dinner is at five tomorrow evening, and I love him,” Merlin calls out.

“I heard…tell him I love him, too. Bye, Harry.”

“Good bye.” Harry disconnects the call. “Excellent!” Harry actually pumps a fist in the air. “Well, that felt odd. I won’t do that again.”

“Ye look remarkably pleased,” Merlin says. He ladles soup into bowls and places them on the table along with a loaf of hard bread and two glasses of wine. Harry gives him a surprised look. “It’s good for your heart. Everyone knows that.”

“Thank you for preparing dinner, darling.” Harry gives Merlin a tender kiss as he sits down. “I AM pleased. Eggsy cannot take me to my appointment tomorrow.”

“So I gathered. Are ye thinking of skipping the appointment?” Merlin asks eagerly.

“No,” Harry says soberly. “The cardiologist is one appointment I never miss.”

“So ye are calling for a Kingsman cab.” Merlin sighs. “I’m sorry I cannae drive ye, Harry. But my ophthalmologist says the cataracts…”

“You shouldn’t be behind the wheel, Hamish.” Harry takes his hand and kisses it. “I have one good eye. I am perfectly fine behind the wheel, no matter what Eggsy thinks. I’m only driving into town.”

“I don’t know about this,” Merlin says. “Remember the last time ye drove…we had to pay for Mrs. Hudgins to get a new flower bed.”

“A cat ran out in front of me!”

“As ye say,” Merlin replies.

“It will all be fine. And Eggsy will be none the wiser,” Harry says sternly.

Merlin looks offended. “I have never ratted ye out, Harry Hart, and I never will.”

Harry gets up thirty minutes before his alarm the next morning. Merlin, who still rises with the birds at eighty years old, stares at him in shock as he enters the kitchen showered and dressed. “Are…are ye quite all right, Harry?”

“Good morning, my gorgeous husband.” Harry rubs the top of Merlin’s head before kissing it. “Ah, coffee. I knew there was a reason I loved you.” He pours himself a cup and then quickly scrambles himself an egg.

“Harry, it’s still dark out!”

“Yes…I do hope the sun will be a bit brighter by the time I leave,” Harry says. “I will admit that I don’t drive in the dark as well as I used to.”

“The sun will be up,” Merlin promises. “I’m just confused as to why YOU’RE up.”

“I have a doctor’s appointment,” Harry reminds him. Merlin snorts. “I suppose I was a bit excited. A day in my own, all by myself. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had that?”

“I dinnae realize that spending all your time with me was such a hardship,” Merlin says stiffly.

“Oh, darling, you know that’s not what I meant,” Harry says, reaching for the pepper. Merlin angrily swipes it away and uses it on his own egg. “I meant in the city…without a bloody chaperone. Eggsy…Sebastian…the twins…they all treat us as if we’re completely helpless.”

“They care about us…although the constant fussing is a bit annoying,” Merlin agrees. “Harry, promise me ye will call me as soon as the car as safely parked, and then as soon as ye finish at the doctor’s. I need to know ye are all right.”

“I will…but trust me. Once a Kingsman, always a Kingsman. I will be fine.”

“Once a peacock, always a peacock,” Merlin mutters, handing over the pepper shaker.

“Looks like we’re good for another six months, Mr. Hart,” the doctor says with a smile. “You’re doing very well.”

“And…”

“And when your son calls, I will make sure and tell him exactly that, along with the time you checked in AND checked out,” Dr. Porter says with a grin.

“Thank you. He is quite ridiculous.” Harry pulls on his suit jacket.

“You’re lucky to have a son that cares about you so much.” Dr. Porter claps Harry on the back.

“I am aware,” Harry says with a fond smile. For all his fussing and interfering, Eggsy really is a godsend. Harry knows just how lucky he is to have an adopted family such as Eggsy, his husband Sebastian, and their twins.

“Have a good day, Mr. Hart.”

“You as well.” 

Harry makes sure to text Merlin and let him know about the exam before he even leaves the room. He jingles the keys in his pocket as he leaves the doctor’s office. Thanks to Merlin their car is always in tiptop condition, although they rarely do more than start it and have Sebastian drive it around the block now and then to keep it running. He’d had absolutely no problems driving in, although he’s fairly certain he was driving a bit under the speed limit. He doesn’t care. Safe driving, that’s what it is.

He strides along the pavement, head held high, spine erect. No one looking at him would guess he’s almost eight-one, he’s sure of that. The one clue is his hair, which he checks in a nearby storefront. It’s no longer a lovely dark brown but is instead a snowy white. He’d talked about tinting it more than once, but his husband had stropped rather violently.

“I will not allow ye to color your hair like one of those ridiculous fools looking to deny your age. Ye have lived through so much, Harry. Ye were shot in the head. Ye fought your own mind. I…I watched ye die. Carry your grey hair with pride, Harry…for it’s proof that ye survived.”

How could Harry say no to that?

He walks on and soon sees something else he cannot say no to. “Doughnuts,” he mumbles to himself, staring at the display in the window. “Hamish loves doughnuts. It would be horribly rude of me to enjoy my newfound freedom and not have him benefit somehow.” Harry nods to himself. Yes. He must do something unselfish…think only of his husband. He enters the shop and inhales the perfect combination of warm doughnuts and freshly brewed coffee. He stares at the display case in awe. How in the world will he decide? 

“Can I help you, sir?” The young girl asks from behind the counter.

“My word,” Harry says weakly. “I’m not quite sure. I need two.”

“Buy four and you get a free coffee,” the girl chirps.

“Well…my husband and I don’t each need two,” Harry says sadly.

“How about children? Or grandchildren?”

“My grandchildren are quite grown up, I’m afraid, but perhaps my son and his husband,” Harry muses. “All right. Lemon meringue for my husband. That is a given. The one with the green tea icing…my son-in-law would enjoy that, I think.”

“All right.” She opens a container and puts in the first two donuts. 

“The caramel custard for my son,” Harry decides.

“And for yourself, sir?”

“Hmmm…oh.” Harry all but licks the glass. “Ferrero Rocher.”

“Very well.” She puts the container in a bag. “Ten quid fifty.”

“Here you are.”

“Feel free to get your coffee.” She points to an urn and takeaway cups. 

“Thank you, my dear.”

“Here…have a bigger sack. This one has handles.” She slips the small bag into the larger one.

“Thank you. I will most definitely recommend this place to everyone I know,” Harry promises.

He prepares his coffee and heads back to the car, all but whistling as he walks. Hamish is going to be so pleased.

“Bloody hell.” Merlin bites into the doughnut and closes his eyes. “This…this is heaven. Mmmm…” He lets out an orgasmic groan.

“I do believe that sound should be reserved for one thing and one thing only,” Harry says. “And it doesn’t happen in the kitchen.”

“Oh, it most certainly does. And it has. In this very kitchen.” Merlin smiles slyly.

“Filthy old man,” Harry says, unable to keep from grinning. “Don’t get any ideas. One of us might break a hip.”

“But wouldn’t it be worth it?” Merlin leans in and gives Harry a very lemony kiss. “This is wonderful, Harry, thank ye.”

“You are quite welcome, Hamish.” Harry pulls out his own donut. He inhales deeply before getting a knife and fork from the drawer.

“Tell me you’re joking.” Merlin stares at him in shock.

“Hamish, this is filled with chocolate and hazelnut. I will not take a chance on it getting all over the place.” He neatly cuts into the doughnut, sighing with pleasure as the insides slowly gush out. He swipes his fork through the chocolate and slides it into his mouth. “Oh MY,” he moans.

“See? I told you.” Merlin leans over and steals a bite. “Mine is better.”

“I doubt it.”

They sit with their coffee and their doughnuts, slowly eating and drinking until their plates and mugs are empty. “It’s noon,” Merlin realizes. “We should have had a sensible lunch.”

“We can have a sensible lunch tomorrow,” Harry says. “I think I want a nap.”

“That sounds perfect.” Merlin carries their dishes to the sink. 

Harry comes up behind him and kisses behind his ear. “Perhaps if we keep our activities to the bedroom and not the kitchen, we won’t break any bones.”

“An excellent experiment for us to try,” Merlin says with a grin. They go upstairs hand in hand.

They’re working together to wash and dry the dinner dishes when the doorbell rings. “Hmmm…half-eight? Who would stop by at this time of night without calling first?” Merlin wonders. “I’ll go see who it is.”

“Hamish…”

“I have a cane, Harry, and I will not refrain from using it on ye,” Merlin snaps. “I have a limp. I haven’t lost a limb.”

“Yet,” Harry says pointedly, picking up a knife from the dishwater.

Merlin snorts and heads down the hall. “Eggsy. Sebastian! What a nice surprise! Dinner’s not until tomorrow…”

“We know, just thought we’d stop by,” Harry hears Eggsy say.

“How nice. How was your conference, Seb?”

“Good, thanks.”

The three men soon enter the kitchen, Merlin a few steps ahead of Eggsy and his handsome husband. They’re both dressed in jeans and casual shirts, although Sebastian’s wearing a brown leather jacket that brings out his brown curls. The boy always has such a sense of fashion. Harry loves that about him. “Sebastian! Eggsy!” Harry dries his hands and hugs them both. “To what do we owe this unexpected pleasure? We were just about to have tea.”

“All right,” Eggsy says simply, sitting down at the kitchen table. Merlin goes to the kettle as Sebastian also sits down. “Came to ask about your appointment.”

“Passed everything with flying colors,” Harry says, tapping his chest. “Ticking like a Swiss timepiece. No concerns, I don’t have to go back for six months. And I DID go.”

“I know. Dr. Porter called me.” Eggsy hops back up and retrieves the tea items. 

“I’m quite glad you stopped by,” Harry says. He retrieves the sack from the counter. “I picked up something for you today.”

“Harry!” Merlin hisses. He looks from the bag to Eggsy. Harry blinks in confusion until he realizes his error. He can cover it up, though. He’s always been a smooth talker.

“That is, I would have picked up something…”

“Did Phil drive you?” Eggsy arranges cups and saucers.

“Phil? Good man. Always so friendly,” Harry says, trying to hide his unease.

“Did he drive you to your appointment?” Eggsy repeats. Harry looks at Sebastian, who shrugs. He looks at Merlin, who shakes his head ever so slightly.

“Y-yes, of course.”

“Well, whoever drove you must’ve been wearing a mask with Phil’s face on it, because he was out today. His daughter has the measles.”

“Alicia? Oh, poor thing. I’ll have to send her a little something,” Harry says. “Charming little girl.” Eggsy glares at him. “Oh! You said PHIL! I thought you said BILL.”

“We don’t have a driver named Bill, Harry.”

“I went to my appointment!” Harry protests.

“You mean you DROVE yourself to your appointment. As soon as I realized you never signed out a car, I check the tracker in yours.”

“You have a tracker in our car?” Harry gasps.

“Of course he does…we trained him, didn’t we?” Merlin asks. He looks quite proud.

“Oh, stop it,” Harry snaps. “This is not a moment for you to be insufferable.” He starts pouring tea. “So I drove a few blocks.”

“Harry,” Eggsy says unhappily.

“I did just fine. No damage to myself, the car, or anyone’s flower beds.” He puts the sack on the table. “And I might have stopped somewhere for a treat. For Hamish.”

“Don’t you dare drag me down as well,” Merlin snaps. “I was here. At home.”

“And don’t YOU go acting like you’re such a perfect angel,” Harry retorts. “You were completely fine with me taking some time in town when you were eating that disgusting lemon doughnut.”

“I like lemon!”

“Because you’re a sour old tart!” Harry tells him.

“You stopped for doughnuts?” Eggsy gasps. “Harry, you were supposed to call for a driver, go to the appointment, and come right home.”

“First of all, I am an adult and can do what I want.”

“And if you were driving,” Eggsy continues as if Harry’s never spoken. “You definitely shouldn’t have gone anywhere else.”

“I was walking down the pavement. This place was three doors away from the office! I got one for each of you as well.”

“Really?” Sebastian’s ears perk up.

“Yes. Yours has some sort of green tea icing on it…matchbook…”

“Matcha?” Sebastian says with interest, grabbing the sack.

“Sebastian, you’re not helping!” Eggsy snarls.

“Oh. Sorry.” Sebastian sits back contritely. “That was very bad of you to drive, Harry. Your vision isn’t what it used to be, and you get those headaches.”

“Exactly.” Eggsy crosses his arms over his chest and glares at Harry.

“But it was quite generous of you to think of us when you were on the lam,” Sebastian adds and Merlin laughs out loud.

“You’re cut off. No sex for a fortnight,” Eggsy tells his husband.

“Like THAT’S a big change,” Sebastian says, pulling his doughnut from the bag. 

“Excuse me? We had sex three days ago, and two days before that!” Eggsy says indignantly.

“And thank you for sharing that information with the class,” Sebastian says, giving him a dirty look. 

“Sorry,” Eggsy says, looking horrified.

“Now I know why ye dinnae answer the phone the other night when I called ye,” Merlin says, winking at Sebastian.

“Eggsy, I apologize for lying to you,” Harry says. Eggsy opens his mouth but Harry holds up a hand. “But I am a grown man. I shouldn’t have to sneak around to just assert my independence now and then.”

Eggsy sighs. “I know,” he mumbles. “I just…I worry about you, Harry. You too, Merlin. You two are the only dads I have. I can’t imagine what I’d do if anything happened to you.”

Harry gets up and walks around the table. “I realize that, dear boy. And I am so grateful for the privilege of calling you my son.” He kisses the top of Eggsy’s head. “I’m still angry that you feel the need to put a tracker in our vehicle.”

“I think today is a perfect example of WHY I felt that need,” Eggsy points out.

Harry sighs and returns to his seat. He pulls the last doughnut out and hands it to Eggsy. “Do you still want this? It’s caramel custard.”

“Hell yeah, I want my doughnut!” Eggsy says eagerly.

Sebastian swipes it from Harry before Eggsy can grab it. “Even if it was procured under less than idea conditions?”

“Oh, shut up,” Eggsy snaps, grabbing his doughnut.

“They’re going to be just like us someday,” Harry murmurs to Merlin with a fond smile.

“They could only hope to be so lucky,” Merlin replies, leaning in and giving him a kiss.


End file.
